I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize