toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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