My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
