She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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