his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
