we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
