Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
