i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
