they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
