i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
