C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
