I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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