while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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