I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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