Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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