i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I supernannyed him into submission
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
