well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
