I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
