You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She even gives head with a lisp.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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