Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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