My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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