the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
