Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
