I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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