I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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