how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
