I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
