the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
