Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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