No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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