Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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