I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
