I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
