we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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