my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
