??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
