I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
