Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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