it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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