Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just gift wrapped bread.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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