he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
