she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
