apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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