doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
