you're like a bully in the Christmas story
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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