well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
MIDGETS
????
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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