I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
