With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
