Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
