4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
