i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
