Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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