she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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