is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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