i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
splinters make it hard to masturbate
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize