we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
