I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
