Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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