Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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