when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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