I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my being single is dangerous.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
