When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
