his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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